(cont.) When it came time for me to pick a profession myself, I did the only logical thing a young girl could do under this kind of pressure — I picked a non-profession and became awriter. I just couldn’t stand the idea of actually showing up to work everyday to visit the same people and do the same boring things. I mean, why do that when I could play with my make-believe friends in fantastical locations each and everyday? And then when I get tired of them, I can creatively kill them and invent new ones without suffering the consequences of the law. When I explained all of this to my parents, I can’t say they weren’t disappointed that I was moving to Fantasy Land to become a hardened criminal instead of taking over the family business, but they were super supportive and generous enough to put me through USC’s screen and television writing program. My degree is supposed to validate me as a writer, but staring at it now, all I see is an awfully expensive piece of paper. I guess I better start trying to make it earn its keep.  

· COMEDY EXPERIENCE: In a letter of recommendation, my playwriting professor at Emory wrote: “Jeanette Issa has a strong sense of story and an unparalleled comic edge.” So yeah, don’t try to hang out next to my comic edge. I suppose you can cross it if you want to get all perpendicular about it, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

· FULL NAME:   Jeanette Michelle Issa Eldridge (well, soon to be…)

· DOB:   January 29, 1980

· EXPLAIN YOURSELF! My dad is an M.B.A. and the smartest man alive. My mom was an ER nurse (the real 12-hour shift kind, not the one-hour drama series kind) and then midlife changed her mind and became a world-class interior designer. You should see my condo. It’s so gorgeous that it has a name instead of an address. Needless to say, I grew up under the leadership of really brilliant overachieving professionals.

 (continued next column)